she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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