it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
