I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
