I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he puts the penis in happiness.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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