I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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