last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
