i was born a porn star she said
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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