Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
