my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude i'm inner monologue high
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
