rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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