You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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