pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
