i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
sex in a hospital.. check
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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