She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
