my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
