We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
