How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
