They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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