I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
