i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
