I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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