When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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