i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
