go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
