Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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