I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
