I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
