had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
