i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
