I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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