i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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