i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
