I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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