Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
