Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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