you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
