i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
