so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's blow job season.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
