I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
