I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
