You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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