dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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