also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
