if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
