At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think your dad took our porno
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
