he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
