rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
