even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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