I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
