May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
