porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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