Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
